It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize