Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
