Me too!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
