ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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