Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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