I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
