I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
