Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He shit in the fireplace
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
