She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
