I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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