Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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