I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
