We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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