Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
