Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
only you would photoshop your dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
