My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
