We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
