One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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