Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
