3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
