My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
