I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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