And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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