I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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