Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
