Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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