I'm so fucking centered right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
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So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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