someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
