if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
