i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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