It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
