i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
