Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
