theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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