I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
