I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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