well you can't waste a boner
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
