I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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