I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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