No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
