i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
