I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
