so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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