i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
