I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
