All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
