I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
