so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it's like iHOP with fire
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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