Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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