Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
