we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
