Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
