hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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