Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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