This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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