My Higher Power is John Stamos
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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