i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
