I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
