If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize