No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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