Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
