its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
