I want to make a zoo with you.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
