fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
