Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
