My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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