if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
