Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
