with your own penis?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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