you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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