All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
