You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come share oat with me in your robe
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
