i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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