Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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